Saturday, October 8, 2011

A Thin Dream (continued)

Let me share with you the relationship I had with my brother at that time. Like all kids, we expanded and contracted in dimension like human bellows. That always seemed to give my mother a big headache when she wanted to buy some clothes for us. None of them would fit us properly. Either the shirt would look like a gown or we ended up looking like storks. We just weren’t ready for “readymade” yet.  We were not “Complan” boys. Neither were we “Horlicks” kids. And neither did we need anything to Boost us. We had oodles of energy even though we hated anything that was a bit nutritious. No milk. No fruits. And it showed. We looked like proper middle class kids. Born healthy.. on our way to acquiring a disoriented figure. A little bit of tanned skin. Birth marks. Pox marks. Injury marks. Everything was there. And add to that oiled hair, combed once in the morning by mom.

There were stories I heard about him from my mother.

I was two days old then. My parents had made a makeshift bed on the floor so that it’s easy for my mom to move. And the main bed was just beside the makeshift bed. I was all wrapped up in a quilt and looked like a giant fur ball. I was sleeping on the makeshift bed. My brother was looking for some toy. It was on the main bed. And it was kind of high for him to reach there.

I became his launch pad.

I heard he once tried to shoot a doctor with his toy gun ‘cause the doctor was giving me a shot.
But those were stories I heard. He was not one of those heroic brothers you see on TV.  He didn’t shield me when it rained or got into fight because someone smacked me. He was not the kind who would leave his studies and work in the fields so that his brother could go to college and then become something big in life. He lived his life in his own terms. It’s not that he excluded us from his happiness. But we knew that his happiness never laid with us. It was somewhere within himself.

To be honest, I was also partly responsible for this indifference that he showed us. His friends had the stomach of a broken roadside telephone booth. One press of the switch-hook and all the secrets came tumbling out like loose change. I was even worse. Always armed with a self destruct button, I would press it at every perceived notion of threat. Panic was my middle name. I never blew stuff out of proportion. I blew them into a parallel universe.

There was this time, when my brother and I were so inspired by “Main Azaad Hoon” ( “Meet John Doe” if you wanna watch the original version), that we decided to run away from home. Not that we hated our parents or our neighbours or our school. It’s just that the concept of “Freedom” shown in the movie had left an indelible mark on us. We just had to venture out like the lead characters, travel aloft a goods train hiding from guards, eating whatever you get and then getting off at an unknown destination. We were essentially heroes (and we didn’t need A.R. Rahman to strain his vocal chords for us). For us, it was the right time to display to the world our macho bravado. A call to all the females in the society that the Alpha Males have arrived. For a week we had late night discussions on that topic. We used to whisper at length in bed, planning out the minutest of requirements. Our parents used to watch late night shows in the other room. The light from the tv screen used to seep inside our room from underneath the door. Enough light to see our outlines so that we atleast knew in which direction we needed to whisper. After a weeks discussion we decided that we will travel light. Only three items finally made to our “sine qua non” list:

(i) A pair of tee shirts and trousers;
(ii) Money (in whichever form it was available.. this includes stuff that could be sold and included my precious wrist watch); and
(iii) A picture of the girl we loved (not the same girl but 2 different females who had managed to dangle a carrot infront of our respective hearts).

Now the last item in the list was my brother’s brainchild. But though he was the one who suggested it, I gravitated towards the idea at a speed faster than light. Yes... it was essential. No two ways about it. I even remember the girl’s name - Pooja. 

But then it all fell apart. Keep in mind, I was 6 then and he was 9.

[Part 3 - When I feel like.]

P.S. For all those who want to watch Meet John Doe.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Stop Thinking Loudly!!!

This is what happens when you poke your nose in stuff you shouldn't have messed with. It's like eating something hot. You think your tongue can handle it.. but when it fails, you are left panting like a dog. Guess what? I was thinking of Grammar. Grammatical thoughts!!!!!

What pronoun do you use for a transgender? He? She? It??? Since none are applicable prima facie, I thought of conceiving a new word. There you Go.. 

I figured I should use all the alphabets used in he, she and it. That means I have to come up with word having the letters h.s,e,i and t. And this is what I came up with...


Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Crocodile Tears

I know what you think about us.

We are not the most beautiful creatures I admit that. But to treat us with such contempt is not right either. We were born this way. And sadly, we were even neglected by evolution. We have just grown a little .. that’s it. They say God sees the truth but waits. But isn’t 20 million years long enough. How much longer do we have to suffer?

It wasn’t always like this you know. There was a time when you respected us. We were worshipped as Gods. We were called Sobek. Our strength, our agility was something you people craved for. Our ferocity was admired. We were the ones who came out of the waters of chaos to create the world. And look how you treat us now. Yes.. we are hideous if you say so. But that doesn’t stop you from using our skin to make bags and wallets.. does it?

Oh.. now more accusations? We eat our own children? We eat them before they hatch??

So INHUMAN??????

Guys.. seriously.. terrible choice of words.

And yeah.. we do it. We eat our infant children. I don’t know if it’s right or wrong. We don’t think about it when we do it. We are just made this way. But who are you to accuse me? Don’t you sell your children to other people? Don’t  you engage your own kids into prostitution? Don’t you have abortions? How is it in anyway different from  us? We at least do it to survive. You do it for your own fucking pleasure. With all that brains and evolution, you were supposed to be the people with reason.  Yeah.. you have reason.. only to justify your own misdeeds. Hypocrites.
And tell me if I am wrong.We are not the only ones eating you. A thousand other species gobble you up in no time. But you have pinpointed us and the snakes and the sharks as the most hated ones. As if we have nothing to be admired. You see a lion and you all go.. WOW. And when we come its.. EWWWW. Damn.. you people are so fixated with looks. You were the guys who came up with the phrase .."don’t a judge a book by its cover”.. so why not apply it in a practical scenario???? But then who am I advising? You morons judge  the character of a person based on the colour of his skin. Honestly… we are better off being fools. We have never waged wars against alligators just because they look very similar to us.
That's not all.. you now even farm us for our meat, And what was verdict after eating us... that we taste like a cross between chicken and crab meat.

Chicken???? Chicken???????

You have got to be kidding me. After all those years of carnivorous lifestyle we still taste like chicken?

Do you know how insulting that is? It doesn’t matter to me how tasty you find chicken.. I seriously find it offensive.

But hey.. we don't need any sympathy. After all it's just crocodile tears.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

A Thin Dream

Papers – Check
Pens – Check
Tiffin Box – Check
Wrist Watch – Check
Books – Check
Wallet – Check

That’s all he had. And that was what he was going to use to breathe life to his dreams.

You see, I was also in class 5 once. I too was impressed by Jurassic Park. But never in my life did I think of running away to US to direct a movie. He did. And he believed he could do it. And he also believed his plan was foolproof. Here.. lets take a look at that plan.

1.                 Running away from school with all your earthly possession and have your best friend tag along.
2.                 Selling those earthly possessions.
3.                 Using that money to rent a room in a motel.
4.             Write a book while staying in that cozy motel. I guess the title was “Jurassic Park 2”. Guess, somebody by the name Michael Crichton was also doing the same thing.
5.                 Sell the book.
6.                 Become rich.
7.                 Fund your US travel.
8.                 Meet Steven Spielberg.

Yeah. It’s that simple. Though am tempted to call him a moron it’s probably not fair. He just wanted to realize his dreams.

Well, he was not that stupid too. He probably had a fair bit of idea that his “get rich quick” scheme might fail. So he had an alternate plan. He had taken a leaf out of the story “Escape from Cuba”. Anyone remember that one? Class 2, English literature book, Gulmohar???  Let me give me you a synopsis of the story anyways. Two guys planned to escape from Cuba. They sneaked into the airport and then when the plane was about to depart they hid themselves in the plane’s wheel panel. The ride was bumpy… too cold.. blah blah blah.. one died, one survived. End of story.

My brother and his friend thought of doing the same. Yes.. hiding in the wheel panel of an airplane to go to US. Alas.. the nearest airport was in Patna. Plus I doubt there were direct flights to US from Patna at that time. I doubt if they even have one now. Which means they would have had to land in Bombay.. oops Mumbai .. and then get a flight to US. Security wouldn’t have been a major issue though. Am sure they would have skirted the excellent and alarmed security that our Airports possess.

And so he went ahead with his plan.

(Part II next week)

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Happy Anniversary

It's going to be 2 years since I last wrote something substantial. Not the kind of Anniversary I would like to celebrate.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Felt the Grape.

The Grapes were sour. Believe me. I tasted them.

Not that I had to eat them. But then I wanted to. Looked pretty nice. Hanging from the branches. Green green . Round and juicy.

Wait a minute.

Were they even green??? Am toh color blind. Damn.

Any ways, second thoughts were always there like.. “are the grapes actually sour?”, “ I failed once, can I do it this time?”. But then the want was too much. I tried and tried. It was hard work. But I didn’t give up like last time coz you guys made fun of me. And I finally succeeded.

Success never tasted so sour.

Last time when I tried, I failed. But I managed to console myself. But now that I know they are sour, who is gonna console me?

P.S - Fuck you Robert Bruce.

Monday, July 13, 2009

A Conversation between I and Me.

Myself was in the bathroom

- “And then ‘he’ enters. I’ll refer to him as thief. Just not because I feel like calling him that but because he looks like that.”
- “Because he looks like that?”
- “Yeah. You know.. how thieves generally look like. They have that thief type look.”
- “Thief type look?”
- Well.. he kind of looks like a thief. As in, if you look at him, the first feeling you get about him is that he is a thief, he will steal something.”
- “How does that feeling come?”
- “I guess it has got something to do with the face.”
- “And his face is like?”
- Ummmmmmm… Let me remember. He has got a small face. Got big hair. But the hair looks kinda if he has got a wig stitched to his head. I sometimes feel that’s not even his own hair. He has stolen it. And he has eyes which show greed. It feels like everything that he lays his eyes on, he wants it and that too free. Plus the way he smiles and looks around you feel that he thinks himself to be very clever. Eeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhh…… makes me wanna slap the head out of his body.”
- “Calm down man. Calm down. You don’t even know him. Why do you judge him such? He may not be what you think.”
- “As if I care. I get angry just by seeing him. Do you think I control it? It happens. There are certain people who get you angry no matter what.”
- Oke. Who else makes you angry?”
- Ummm.. Let me think. I think there are a few more.”
- “Do you hate them?”
- “I don’t know…I really don’t know. Which is , now that I am thinking about it, is kind of odd.. isn’t it? I mean I know I get angry seeing them. But do I hate them? I don’t know.”
- “Let’s find out.”
- “How?”
- “Think, if one of them, take the ‘thief’ guy gets the attention of the girl you like. Would you hate him?”
- “I would hate anyone who gets the attention of the girl I like.”
- “Okay. Change of question. If he gets the attention of the hottest chick in the class?”
- “I like the hottest chick in the class.”
- oohhhhhh.. oke. Think this guy one day gets humiliated by a teacher. Or better still he gets he gets beaten up by seniors of your college. Would you like that thing happening?”
- “I would love it.”
- “Then it’s clear. You hate him.”
- “ How?”
- “When you get pleasure at the fact that someone is getting hurt, you must be hating him.”
- “ I don’t hate him. It’s just that he makes me angry. And I ‘HATE’ being angry. So, I call it ‘Tit for Tat’.
- “‘Tit for Tat’? Does it even make sense here?”
- “No it doesn’t. That’s why I said I can’t control those feeling towards him. Whatever those feeling are. May be it is HATE.”
- “So you agree that you hate him.”
- “Yeah. I guess so. But…”
- “But what?”
- “Now I want him to hate me.”
- “Why do you want that to happen?”
- “Else I’ll feel guilty that I hate a person without reason. If he hates me then I’ve got a god reason to hate him. Feelings should be mutual. Isn’t it?”