This is Mikhail speaking. I am a Russian. I look like Nostradamus. And I don’t like you.
He woke up then he went for a swim in the pool.
Problems: Unoriginal. Bland. Tedious. No sense of character or place. Sod it.
Alan awoke and took a dip in his pool.
Problems: Too condensed. Does not describe transition from bed to pool. Did he swim in PJs? Blast!
Alan Fitzpatrick arose from his bed, remove his striped PJs and leapt into the pool.
Problems: Bed goes undescribed. Where is pool? Right beside his bed? Not good enough, sorry!
Did not write. Had sandwich and went back to bed. Listened to Katrina & The Waves, “Walking On Sunshine.”
Read for an hour. Pruned the weeds. Stared at the computer for two hours. Went back to bed.
Went to see brother. Ask him to re-write sentence. He suggest:
Alan Fitzpatrick, awaking from his salty reverie, stepped from his plush four-poster bed, removed his striped PJs and released an earth-shaking yawn. To his left, the flotsam of the night lay in a crumpled mess beside his half-dead girlfriend, and to his right the glistening pool beckoned him for a swim. Eager to work on his backstroke, he strode towards the menthol waters and dived inside their lukewarm grasp.
I punch brother. Tell him reader too impatient for so much description. Tell him reader want small sentences, explosions and lacklustre writing to give them the feeling they could do it themselves.
Delete sentence.
Write story about sad leper with broken spine. Delete it.
Post this unmitigated bilge on Blogger.
YOU ALL HAVE SIMILAR WRITING DAYS YOU RETARDS… DON’T YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!
5 comments:
ah! The last line is so freaking true! I suffer from it...every single day. The only problem? I am a writer/an editor.
The best part about your writing is that even when you have nothing much to say, you still scribble with the mind of a magician. End result- The post is too interesting to be left in the mid. (Psst...I am trying to practice how to suck up to the boss. ;) )
And I say... Thanks Mikhail.
Came across your blog randomly. Really nice stuff, though. Cheers!
Thanks. As for cheers, am not a very cheerful guy. So I suggest.. Swears. And am very good at that. :)
you always surprise me
:)
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